Lesson 6

Why do so many of us tend to think that relationships are a 50/50 deal? And thus we should get out of the deal a certain amount of happiness and enjoyment for all we put into it. The world tells us if we are not getting fulfillment in our lives then we should find a new partner, get a career instead of staying home with children, join a club or go exercise three times a day. Well, in the Lord’s world and mind that is not at all what marriage is. It’s about covenants and sacrifice.

I remember advice given to me from a church leader when he was interviewing me and my spouse-to-be. He looked at us and said, “You may think that marriage is 50/50; that each of you give and expect 50/50. It is not. Both of you 100%, give all you can to your marriage. You will find that sometimes all you can give is 20% and the other will have to give 80%. Then it will switch and you will need to give 80% because all they can give is 20%.” After being given that advice, I had nine babies and my husband had a couple of surgeries. We have learned that is very true. Each must give all they can.

We learn about sacrifice in marriage, and the best part about it is – the sacrifice is all worth it.  Many of us give up prematurely because it is just too hard and it doesn’t seem to be worth the fight. How many regret giving up in their marriage – either by settling for an unhappy marriage or ending the marriage in divorce. I remember an author of a book about divorce that said over 90% of people who think they have a bad marriage and should get divorced, it’s not near as bad as they think it is and divorce makes everything worse.

 Brother Goddard, in his book “Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage,” said, Relationships that cannot be salvaged are rare. President Joseph Fielding Smith wrote that "if all mankind would live in strict obedience to the gospel, and in that love which is begotten by the Spirit of the Lord, all marriages would be eternal; divorce would be unknown. Divorce is not part of the gospel plan and has been introduced because of the hardness of heart and unbelief of the people .... There never could be a divorce in this Church if the husband and wife were keeping the commandments of God."24

Goddard added, “We cannot have our eyes on our partner and

ourselves at the same time.”