Lesson 5

It is interesting how one expert has a system of several principles and practices that can save or strengthen a marriage. The other expert spoke of the atonement and testifies that it is what we need to change and heal. I think both may be true. A wise family counselor said, after hearing excuses about why the marriage was struggling, "what you need is repentance." Almost always that is what a struggling marriage needs, or a good marriage for that matter - repentance. Not just repentance, but a better understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ can bring a couple hope and back to a healthy place. It is true that when we grow closer to the Lord we will grow closer to each other. I feel sorry for people who don't have an understanding of the gospel to help them in their lives and relationships. 

On the other hand, if one is willing to repent and if one grows in their understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ but the other does not, then what? there seemed to be those couples who wanted to "repent" and work things out and there are those who either because of laziness, selfishness, or disloyalty do not want to work things out. I believe if we stay close to God we can still feel peace and often bring the other person around.

Often we can know the doctrine but counseling and specifically education can really help us understand how to apply the doctrine and principles. I am so grateful for books that help me gain a better understanding of marriage and my husband specifically that I would just not learn very easily from just a study of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Learning that arguing, even shouting, and many other negative behaviors do not need to end a marriage was enlightening. Gottman talks about the Four Horsemen and how they are the most dangerous, in part because they run away with you and your pride.

One thing I wonder about but have not read yet, is how addiction plays into these seven principles.  

I loved watching and listening to Elder Joseph B Wirthlin as he talked about Christlike love. I remember when he gave that and started shaking so much I was afraid he was going to fall. Then to have Elder Nelson stand up and stand beside Elder Wirthlin to strengthen him. What a sweet example of love. Elder Wirthlin continued to talk about us knowing to love the Lord with all our hearts and then to love our neighbors as ourselves. That sounds like a perfect solution to marriage problems to me. If you start early and keep up with good habits in marriage it is so much easier. How hard it is to break habits that have been in place for 20 years.

"Love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the pathway of discipleship. It comforts, counsels, cures, and consoles. It leads us through valleys of darkness and through the veil of death. In the end love leads us to the glory and grandeur of eternal life." (The Great Commandment, Joseph B. Wirthlin, October 2007 General Conference)