Every family has problems and challenges. But successful families try to work together toward solutions instead of resorting to criticism and contention. They pray for each other, discuss, and give encouragement. Ezra Taft Benson

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Lesson 7

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As I ponder about how I stay connected to my spouse, I realize that a great way to stay connected is to connect often. From early on in our marriage my husband decided going on a date once a week was essential, and it has been. We have missed a week here and there but it has helped us stay connected during the hard times and the better times. When we had a bunch of little ones and my husband was home about an hour a day, I felt these dates saved my sanity and our friendship. Now that my husband is busy in callings and I’m busy in school they are meaningful for him, especially. Sometimes we connect more than other times, but it is always easier to connect if you have been connecting often.

One way Gottman talks about couples turning to each other instead of turning to others or other things. Connecting often makes this much easier and affective. I can recall times when I had to make a decision to humble myself and come back to connect and turn towards my husband instead of defending myself or my position in any particular discussion. I would turn towards him by talking to him about my hopes and fears and maybe even my hurt feelings. I realized at the time (but don’t always) that contention would cause a wedge to come between us and then neither position would matter. I have prayed a lot for humility during stressful times or times when I feel we are at odds. Because we are each other’s best friend it is usually when life is just stressful because it’s life, and because we haven’t had enough connections that little spats happen anyway.

How marriage would work well without repentance or forgiveness is something I cannot comprehend. I apologize because I believe in Christ and His atoning sacrifice and feel I must repent and start clean again. I forgive because of the same reason. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ I must forgive, always and quickly. This makes all the difference as to how happy I am in my married life and my life in general.

The remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce. It is
in repentance. It is not in separation…” President Hicnkley

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